relationships

5 Signs She’s Out of Your League Part

The term “stay in your lane” was not coined in vain. I’m a firm believer that people need to be with people they have a lot in common with. It doesn’t mean that opposites can’t attract. It means simply some people need to be mindful of the people they date and avoid dating people who might ultimately be out of their league. (Two Part Series, see the first part here.

Here are the signs a woman is out of your league fellas:

1. She’s extremely attractive and you’re not. No way to sugar coat this. If you know damn well you aren’t a 10, please stop insisting that you need one. Nickels do this all the time. Insisting the woman they date be beautiful, slim, thick, long flowing hair, light-skinned, exotic, fit, flawless, and meanwhile they’re walking around looking like the Good Year blimp with bad dental records. Stay in your visual lane sweetie and if you’re paying her, understand the rules of engagement. YOU ARE PAYING HER.

2. She’s paid and you’re broke. When a woman has more money than you, understand that one of two things can happen: The first is that she will allow you to do absolutely nothing and to enjoy the benefits of being a kept man, you must do what she wants you to do. There is no negotiation on this, women with loot don’t have time to negotiate with you. If she has little or no respect for you, yet for some strange reasons wants to keep you around, you have to play by her rooms. Option 2 means you will constantly feel like a loser. Let’s face it, very few men can handle their woman making more money than them. it almost always leads to emasculation and ruins the relationship. If she comes from money and has never had to worry about it, you better have some serious ambition. But truthfully, if you come from nothing, her family will not approve and you might be used for sex or as a filler until the right guy comes along. Sorry, dude.

3. You’re socially inadequate. Women who have something going for themselves are usually a part of a bigger network. They are ambitious, determined and on another playing field when it comes to social status. If you’re not comfortable socializing with your woman’s circle, how would you handle the long haul? If she speaks intelligently while you’re splitting verbs every chance you get, you’re going to make yourself a spectacle.

4. She’s fresh off the runway and you dress like a scrub. If she’s dressed to the nines and you don’t even own a suit, you’re not on the right playing field. There are some women who will take on a “project” like you, but most don’t want to. Women want someone who is confident enough to take the lead and set the tone. This doesn’t mean you have to wear Hugo Boss every day, but you need to clean up nice and it starts with your wardrobe. Cleaning up a man’s wardrobe is an easy fix, but who you are is who you are.

5. She’s educated and you have G.E.D. This is one of the most important factors when it comes to playing in your league. Education is a big factor. Women who are highly educated usually don’t mingle with men aren’t–unless you are extremely wealthy. Notice I said wealthy and not rich (there is a difference). Like minds have more in common and there are just some things people with little or no education will understand unless they are extremely cultured. Sure that may sound a little elitist but it’s true. Conversations can be more interesting when you have more in common.

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5 Signs He’s Full of S**t

Women often waste too much time on men who they think are good for them and ignore the ones that actually are. Having experienced more than my fair share of full of shit men, I can safely say the signs are always there. Social media has created a generation of social cowards–people who hide behind text messages, FB posts and email rather than deal with emotional issues head on. But the old saying “If a man wants you, there’s nothing that will keep him away. And if he doesn’t, there’s nothing that can make him stay.” If you’re sick of trying to decipher whether the guy you’re interested in or are with is full of shit, here’s how to tell:

1. He never calls and only texts or sends Facebook messages. If he’s not available on the phone, how the hell is he gonna be emotionally available? There’s something very impersonal about texts and FB messages. It’s like, “Oh let me see if this chick will respond,” type of thing. And many women do, they set the stage for relationship failure and it puts you in a box if you go for it. More than likely you will be APA (A Piece of Ass) for him. If he doesn’t have to make a real effort to get you, he’s not going to respect you in the long run.

2. He doesn’t ask you on a date, he just wants to “meet” for drinks or whatever. If he asks you to do this via text of Facebook, please know that this emotional coward is really full of shit. Men call and ask you out. They don’t send text messages. If he’s using the excuse, “I’m too busy” or “I don’t have time to talk on the phone”, stop having time for him. Granted a lot of men are not with the whole swooning on the phone thing, but be it a brief conversation or a full on rap session, a man who likes you will call you, period. Don’t let him con you with slick talk trying to make excuses, he’s full of shit, trust me.

3. He’s cheap as hell or wants you to pay for everything. I am a firm believer in playing with the hand I was dealt. If you are dealing with a great guy but he’s not financially able to splurge but he’s not a cheapskate either, don’t write him off, especially if he’s under 30. A lot of men are just coming into their own at 30, (yes these fuckers are learning late in life) so he may be on the come up at his job, some great venture or while he finishes law school or whatever. (Ambition is key.) But hey if this bastard just won’t pay for anything, it means he probably can’t or he’s simply spending his money elsewhere. There’s nothing wrong with going dutch, but if you find your wallet getting emptier than his promises, rid yourself of the loser immediately.

4. His sex game is all about him. Real lovers always ask if you’re satisfied, they never assume. Trouble is, a lot of losers in the sack have never been told that they were lousy in the first place. Some men are never quite able to hit your spot and when you try to tell them, they get defensive and blame you for everything. What a jerk. Who does that. Every woman isn’t turned on the same way and unfortunately a lot of men simply don’t know how to engage you with foreplay because they’ve never been taught. If he’s too much of an arrogant prick to learn what makes you feel good, he’s not worth your goodies.

5. He tells you. Whether you want to hear it or not, men let you know either blatantly or subliminally that they are not available. If he says any of the following, know that you have a better chance of getting struck by lightning than having a relationship with this man:

“I don’t have time for a girlfriend.” (Well if they have time to hang with the boys and have sex with you, they have time for a girlfriend.”

“I don’t want kids/any more kids.” (If he knows you do, he is saying this so you won’t get any ideas or ever even mention you want kids.)

“I’m going through something right now.” (Yeah so is the 99% of the world)

“You’re too good for me.” (No argument here, he’s right.”

“I’m not ready for a relationship right now.” (He’s not–at least not with you.)

“Things are good the way they are.” (Things are good as long as you do things his way. The minute you try to change, he’ll have a problem with you.)

“It’s not you, it’s me.” (What he means is, he’s full of shit not you.)

Run bitch, run!!

5 Signs She’s Out of Your League

The term “stay in your lane” was not coined in vain. I’m a firm believer that people need to be with people they have a lot in common with. It doesn’t mean that opposites can’t attract, but realistically, the more you have in common, the more likely you are to enjoy one another’s company. So if you’re eyeing a woman you think is absolutely great but you think she won’t give you the time of day, there’s a few ways to know she’s out of your league. 

1. She’s got an MBA and you’ve got a GED. No bueno. Inevitably this relationship will experience a mental turbulence because you simply won’t be able to keep up. If you barely finished high school and this woman is obviously serious about her education, what exactly are you going to talk about? Look at Phaedra Parks and Apollo Nida? He’s a pretty boy and she was the ugly duckling so she’s paying to play. This is fine if you have the type of woman who simply wants you to be arm candy, but most women want a man they can admire and look up to. They want to be proud of who he is and what he does. Unless you’re Richard Branson, your GED ain’t gonna cut it. And no amount of upgrading from her is going to turn a toad into a King even with a kiss. 

2. She’s making power moves and you still can’t figure out what you want to do in life. She’s goal oriented and focused. Meanwhile you’re still going from job to job while you try to figure out what it is you want to do with your life. Ultimately, she’ll leave you behind. Of course not everyone knows what they want to do all the time. It takes some of us years to finally find our niche. But if you haven’t even started, all you’re going to do is hold her back or get left behind. If you’re with someone who is simply much more advanced than you, be prepared to struggle. It may not be what you want to hear, but it’s more likely to happen than not. 

3. She dresses like she stepped off the runway and you look like you just left the frat house. She’s a class act and takes time with her appearance while you simply just throw on whatever is clean and wrinkle free. If she constantly has to check out your clothes before you go out and make sure you’re groomed, you’re not on your A game. Now don’t get me wrong, there are men who simply need tweaking and fine tuning with their wardrobe because they have simply been focused on other things. However, if you constantly look like you just rolled out of bed and she looks like she should be on the pages of Vogue, she’s out of your league sweetie. 

4. Her conversations are way over your head. You can’t relate to anything she talks about. You can’t hold a decent conversation with her without feeling ostracized. Or you simply just don’t get it. Intelligence can’t be bought, either you have it or you don’t and if you’re not able to hold your own on an intellectual level, you’re going to eventually run out of things–if there is anything to talk about. 

5. Your finances don’t meet or exceed hers. Money isn’t everything. But when you don’t have it, life sucks. If a woman really wants to be with you and you’re not necessarily in a position to wine and dine her, she’ll stick around. However, if you’re always broke, she’s going to feel used and not want to be bothered. And don’t think you’re a pimp if a woman is paying. It actually makes you look like a loser. I’m all for going dutch if I know my man’s strapped, hell I’ll even pay. But men are supposed to be providers and providers lead and take care of their woman and family. It’s not cute to have a woman taking care of you. Grow some balls. 

5 Ways to Know Your Woman is Using You

1. She only wants to be bothered with you when you’re spending money. Women are funny creatures, but when we really like a guy, money isn’t a huge issue. I’ve dated plenty of guys who were not “rich” or “paid” simply because I found them enchanting and adorable at the time. But there are women who make it a point to go after any and every man they see and it doesn’t matter who he is. We can see that the way celebrities and entertainers recycle mates. And women are slick, they may not outright ask you for money or about money, but if that’s all she’s about, it will show quickly. A woman with good intentions only wants you to enhance her. Yes we want a provider, but unless she’s a prostitute–or heaux, she’s going to be with you for you. Know when someone is blowing smoke up your ass, and know when someone is truly into you. If she’ll eat with you at Popeye’s, then she’ll eat with you at Ruth Chris’. Remember your money doesn’t make you desirable to a gold digger, it makes you tolerable.

2. When you need something she is too busy or nowhere to be found. Most guys don’t “need” a woman per se. But say for example you get food poisoning and can’t make it to work or get out of bed. If she doesn’t offer to come see about you and make sure you’re okay, she doesn’t care. A woman who likes you will go to the ends of the earth to make sure you’re okay, especially if you’ve been there for her.  Don’t buy into the “I hate sick people”, “I hate hospitals” crap. It’s b.s. If my man needs me, I’m there, even if I have to drag him on my back out of bed to help him to the bathroom!

3. Her body language and her reaction when you touch her makes you feel inadequate. She’s not affectionate, she turns her nose up when she has to kiss you (either she doesn’t like you or your breath is hideous), she doesn’t hug you often, or doesn’t try to get close to you. As women we want to be close to our men. There’s nothing like a man’s arms around you or his lips against yours, we live for it. If you she doesn’t want to be near you, she loathes you, pure and simple.

4. She’s only happy when you’re doing something for her. If you aren’t paying a bill, driving her around in your nice car and giving her something she wants, she’s just not that into you. Be mindful, if you start out talking about what you can do for us, be prepared to keep the dream alive. A lot of men want to brag about how much money they have, how much rent they can pay, they want to take us shopping, blah, blah, blah, well sweetie put your money where your mouth is. Pay or go. Never sell a woman a dream then renege on it. We will never believe anything else that comes out of your mouth. It’s fine to be a gentleman, but don’t pull out your cape unless you’re ready to fly.

5. She doesn’t tell you when you stink, look a hot mess or when you’re making a mistake. She doesn’t encourage you to be a better man. She doesn’t like you dude. Realize it and run as fast as you can. I’m big on my man looking his best when he’s with me because I do my best to always look like a prize. This has nothing to do with materialism or arrogance, I simply represent myself first, him second. I don’t want people looking at me saying, “What the hell is she wearing?” any more than I want somebody to look at him and say, “Uugh, why is she with him?” As humans we are naturally voyeurs. I get excited when I see cute couples and think, “Awww.” So of course I want people to think the same thing. Looking your best is something everyone should do for themselves. If your woman isn’t telling you that you look like for lack of a better word–shit, then best believe you are NOT the apple of her eye. Pay attention to the signs, boo. They’re always there.

7 Reasons Women Cheat

1. She is not sexually satisfied. Let’s face it, women are being more vocal about what they want in the bedroom. If you’re not bringing it and you’re not willing to listen to what we want, we’ll find it elsewhere. If we really love you, we will try and try and try again before we physically make a move and be with another man. It is really a last resort, but what’s the point of being in a relationship if you can’t enjoy sex with your man. If you’re an adult male and still talking about you don’t go downtown, you are probably going to be cheated on. Unless your woman is an asexual prude or simply doesn’t like your skills, dining on southern cuisine is an exciting part of the sexual experience. If she’s doing it for you, you are obligated. That’s right obligated. Don’t expect to receive if you aren’t willing to reciprocate. As far as your sexual technique, lovemaking is an art form and you need the proper tools and an imagination to create art. Take that any way you want.

2. You’re boring. I hear women complain about their men being boring all the time. “He doesn’t want to do anything”. Now when we say you’re boring, it means we have completely lost all hope in getting you to do anything. Maybe you’re too tired, maybe you’re working too much, maybe you have just become complacent. Whatever the case, you’ve given up. Women enjoy romance and we enjoy being out with our men. Date your mate. Don’t let work, bills or kids or anything else get in the way of your ability to make time for love. Even if you just go out once a week, be spontaneous and make something happen. Otherwise, you’re making it easy for your woman to step out on you. Is it right? No, but it can and does happen.

3. She is no longer physically attracted to you. Lets face it, sometimes in relationships people get comfortable and don’t care how they look anymore. I’ve seen it time and time again. The guy who looks like he swallowed three tires,  hasn’t shaved in months, is losing hair and refuses to go bald (not sexy), and ultimately, you look like you stink. Your woman may not ever say it–especially if you’re a great provider, but she hates having sex with you. Trust me on this, some women will put up with anything to be taken care of, but it doesn’t mean they like it. Keep yourself up, workout and make the effort to look like something–please.

4. You act like you don’t care anymore. You have stopped caring about her, your life together, and anything that has to do with the two of you. if you act like you don’t care about us, we will find someone who does. Men need to be loved, women need to be wanted. If you’re not showing us affection, it’s telling us you don’t give a damn. And at some point neither will we.

5. You’re not ambitious. You’ve been in same position since you started with your company–ten years ago. You don’t want to move up, get a better job, nothing. You’re too content. This happened to a friend of mine, his wife got sick of his lack of ambition and went and found someone who was a boss–literally. A man with no ambition is a dream deflated–and not attractive. Unless you’re with a hood rat, your woman prefers you be ambitious. You should always strive for more.

6. She doesn’t respect you. I don’t think I need to go into much detail about this. But somewhere along the way your woman lost respect for you. Once it’s gone, you’ll never get it back. Love and respect are not the same thing. Always remember that.

7. Payback. You cheated on her and she got tired of it. Simple as that.